One of the tougher questions we get, from parents – How do you deal with the pain and suffering of a child addicted to drugs and alcohol?

I know this answer may be a little late, but it’s still the best answer – Don’t have children.  I’m sorry they never told us that our hearts would experience such ranges of joy, pride, sorrow, pain, and a host of other feelings we didn’t know existed prior to being a parent.  I’m not sure it would have mattered if we were told.

Let me take another shot at the answer since the first one might not have been helpful.  I was on a panel discussion in September and we got this same question.  I also ask our clients and families these same questions when I see them doing well.  Two things I heard this week that I have heard over the years.  First, never give up hope.  This world does not operate on the calendar and times of us as parents.  Change is often a very slow and painful process.  Instead of looking at your child’s life, look at your own, look at your marriage – how long did it take you to address a very complex and difficult issue?  Keep believing in the possibility of change, no matter how small it may be, protect it and keep it alive.

And second, try to allow pain and suffering to do its work.  That’s almost a direct quote from a parent who is “struggling well” several years into this issue.  For him, and many other parents I’ve worked with, there is a spiritual element to the issue of pain. Bringing a spiritual growth and maturity that isn’t found in times of prosperity.  It’s as if there is a knowledge that all these things will work together in a way that I can’t fathom in the immediate, but know that there is the very real possibility they will produce benefits in ways that are far beyond the current pain.