Question and Answer: Parents

One of the tougher questions we get, from parents – How do you deal with the pain and suffering of a child addicted to drugs and alcohol?

I know this answer may be a little late, but it’s still the best answer – Don’t have children.  I’m sorry they never told us that our hearts would experience such ranges of joy, pride, sorrow, pain, and a host of other feelings we didn’t know existed prior to being a parent.  I’m not sure it would have mattered if we were told.

Let me take another shot at the answer since the first one might not have been helpful.  I was on a panel discussion in September and we got this same question.  I also ask our clients and families these same questions when I see them doing well.  Two things I heard this week that I have heard over the years.  First, never give up hope.  This world does not operate on the calendar and times of us as parents.  Change is often a very slow and painful process.  Instead of looking at your child’s life, look at your own, look at your marriage – how long did it take you to address a very complex and difficult issue?  Keep believing in the possibility of change, no matter how small it may be, protect it and keep it alive.

And second, try to allow pain and suffering to do its work.  That’s almost a direct quote from a parent who is “struggling well” several years into this issue.  For him, and many other parents I’ve worked with, there is a spiritual element to the issue of pain. Bringing a spiritual growth and maturity that isn’t found in times of prosperity.  It’s as if there is a knowledge that all these things will work together in a way that I can’t fathom in the immediate, but know that there is the very real possibility they will produce benefits in ways that are far beyond the current pain.

Home for the Holidays? Remember the Price

Being with the family can be the best of times and the worst of times.  Same with old friends.  If you are a college student or if you have a college student trying to live a sober life, remember the price that was paid to get sober.  No one will ever fully appreciate the price you paid but you.  Not your mother, not your father, not a boyfriend or girlfriend.  You are the only person that knows the price, to the penny, that you have had to pay to get a life free of alcohol abuse or drug abuse.  Who knows the sacrifices you have made, the obstacles that seemed insurmountable but now achieved, and the countless hours you have spent making little changes to your life to be clean and sober.  A rehab center, an addiction treatment program, or on your own – a sober life comes at a very difficult and painful price.  Protect it with your life.  Old friends, and sometimes still alcohol consuming or drug using family, simply don’t get “it” and never will.  Its up to you, and a small army of other people in recovery that can help, to make smart choices.  Don’t let your guard down when you come home.  Do less (party’s, running around with friends) and accomplish more (still clean and sober).

Question and Answer: Holidays at Home with Addicted College Students

Holidays are difficult for everyone. They are especially difficult for people in recovery. College students coming home face the challenges of being in potentially stressful family situations as well as around old high school friends that use and abuse drugs and alcohol.

There are numerous resources, treatment centers, and drug and alcohol rehab programs to consider and plenty of opinions on how to answer this question, but what is most important is having an honest conversation. Sit and talk through expectations and guidelines you have for them while at home. Keep the list short, but be very clear about expectations and responsibilities. They may be college students, but they’re in your home. It’s ok to have boundaries as long as they’re there. These expectations should include clearly communicated consequences. Be prepared to follow through.

If you have an adult child struggling with addiction, think about having an alcohol-free holiday season. Talk about activities that might be good alternatives and what would make them feel (and be) more comfortable and successful during a substance free holiday. See our Q & A blog:  One Drink?

Addiction and Business: All in the Family

We were part of a conference held by ReGENERATION Partners, a company under the leadership of Jim Hutcheson, that specializes in providing business consultation to family owned businesses.  In a paper and study we are conducting with Jim, we found substance abuse to be a significant issue (often needing a referral to treatment) in more than 50% of all cases.  An issue significant enough to impact the company’s ability to operate effectively and efficiently.  Just a reminder that alcohol dependence and drug abuse impact people of all ages and income levels.  We see this with the clients we treat in Dallas and Ft. Worth – and you will find it in rehab programs across the country.

And when addictions impact a family member that is a coworker in a family business, you are going to need a professional to help sort through all the financial, legal, and treatment related issues.  Find someone like ReGENERATION Partners in Dallas, TX.

Addiction and Family Business

We were just on a panel at a conference for consultants to family owned businesses (Family Firm Institute).  Chris Kennedy Lawford was on the panel as well and talked about his family’s attempts to address his addiction.  A unique journey given his position of fame and politics (we often give his books out to familys and clients).  I was again reminded that alcohol abuse and alcohol addiction (drug addiction as well) impact people across the spectrum of life.  It was encouraging to see a national meeting for consultants devote so much time to identifying addictions and taking steps to intervene in the lives of people in family business.  So what were the take-away points you ask?  Don’t be afraid to ask about addiction if you see behaviors that look like addiction.  Talk to the person first (speak to someone with knowledge about how to do that, there are some basics to this kind of conversation).  Treatment works but it takes times, so don’t lose hope.

Five Star Kids

Betty Ford Center is hosting a continuing education programs, Five Star Kids, to educate the public, including children, about addiction and recovery.  If you have a client struggling with addiction and they have children between the ages of 7 and 13, this is one of the best resources for the kids.  Visit their website for more.

On October 15, Kevin Gilliland, Executive Director of i360, will be discussing “The Art of Therapy, the Science of Change.” It will examine the research done by Prochaska & DiClemente, and others about how change occurs and is maintained. The website above lists the other topics presented, so if you live in the Dallas or Fort Worth area and are seeking more information or training on addiction and recovery, join us at the Betty Ford Center in Irving.

Renew

When your loved one is in residential alcohol or drug treatment, they’re spending time learning about addiciton as a disease, preparing for life after treatment. Meanwhile you are going to therapy, filling out the paperwork, and finishing the homework in preparation for them to arrive, but then they do. What happens next?

Renew Everyday magazine’s article, Recovery Comes Home, offers advice on how to receive your loved one after residential: encouraging open communication, believing recovery as a reality, and the importance of community. i360 also believes in the emphasis of community and the continual process of recovery in everyday life.

Whether utilizing our services with medication, individual therapy, group support, or daily support from Life Development or turning to resources such as Renew magazine, there is help available for you and your loved ones on a daily basis.

Question and Answer: One Drink?

We tend to get quite a few questions thrown our way and we’ve decided to start answering some of those through our blog.  Here’s one of the more common questions people early in recovery are asked by family and friends is this one – “Do you mind if I have a drink?  Will that bother you?”  And what almost everyone in early recovery says is – “No, it’s not a problem”.  Since this is a blog, we have to get to the issue at hand pretty quick, so here goes.  The question is stupid and the answer is a lie.  If you want more of the answer, you can keep reading.

First, the question.  I can’t tell you how many of the people that ask this question are the same people that only weeks or months earlier were threatening divorce, unemployment, homelessness, or other punishments – if the person didn’t quit drinking.  They have seen firsthand the wreckage of the clients alcohol abuse and have been puzzled by how challenging sobriety is.  So don’t ask the question.  Just skip the drink; and if you really can’t skip the drink – call me and I’ll do a free assessment to see if you’re alcohol dependent.  Being around alcohol can release an avalanche of feelings and thoughts that often lead to relapse.  We teach clients to be smart, not strong – it’s a good lesson for family and friends to keep in mind.

As for the answer?  People in recovery know how much they have imposed/hurt/inconvenienced their family and friends.  They don’t want to do that in sobriety. Unfortunately they miss a chance to get help from the people that care about them, they miss a chance to let others be part of the healing process, they miss a chance to remind close people that everyday is still a struggle.

And let me answer that other question you’re thinking – no, I’m not trying to remove alcohol from the world.  We tried that once and found out we were the problem, not alcohol.  You can’t control what goes on in a restaurant, but you can control what goes on at your table.  You can’t keep alcohol out of the world, but you can keep it out of your house.  Be smart not strong.

September Recovery Month

According to NIDA, 1 in 4 Americans binge drink. This means that most neighborhoods and communities are affected by excessive drinking and drug use. Innovation360 feels that it’s important to not only educate the professionals about the struggles of addiction but also the general public. That’s why, this month, in honor of National Recovery Month, i360 is collaborating with Caron Texas by participating in the Caron Cares Breakfast Lecture Series occurring every Thursday in September from 8:30-10a. Sessions are complimentary and open to you and your loved ones.

For ways you can help bring awareness to your neighborhood, visit recoverymonth.gov.

Choosing an Alcohol and Drug Treatment Program

Decades of successful treatment and research has helped to clarify many hotly debated issues. It’s difficult to determine what’s most importance in an alcohol recovery program:  using 12-Step Programs (i.e. Alcoholics Anonymous), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Family Therapy, or other approaches to treatment. What we have come to realize is that all of those approaches make unique contributions in trying to overcome a drug or alcohol addiction. When it comes to overcoming something as terrible as addiction, we must look to utilize all the resources and tools available. Check out this great link on addiction treatment.